I have heard that life can change in the blink of an eye my entire life. It is something that I think we all know, but until we experience it first-hand it is hard to understand. I have experienced loss in my life, like many of you, in the past. I always have been an empathetic person. And when others experienced loss or changes, I tried to be there for them and sympathize. But I don’t think I ever truly understood, until now. I told my best friend yesterday, that when I sit and think about the last year of my life, the whole landscape has been dramatically altered. It will never be the same.
Today is my Mama’s birthday. She would have been 65. All of my memories popped up on Facebook where I wished her Happy Birthday over the years. Last year, before her Stem Cell Transplant, we all planned a birthday celebration for her. I remember calling her and telling her that we wanted to do a party for her at my house with some of her closest friends and her family. She said, “Don’t do that. It isn’t a monumental birthday. You all gave me one when I turned 60. Wait until I turn 65 next year.” But something made us ignore her request.
I rarely did things against my Mama’s wishes. My sister likes to claim I am a suck up. Haha! But we felt strongly that it was important for her to be able to celebrate. She needed to have a good time with those closest to her before her transplant. We knew that she would not be able to be around a lot of people with her lowered immunity for a while post-transplant.
So on the Sunday after her birthday, we had a great meal at my house with so many friends and loved ones. I was lucky enough to get a friend to smoke barbeque for me. My sister and sister in law helped and we had all the fixings and yummy desserts. But most importantly, we had a lot of love present. When I look back, I am so thankful that we have this memory and that we took the time to celebrate my Mama.
Like I said earlier, a lot can change in a year. In August of 2017, my Mama woke up with a swollen lymphnode that was later diagnosed as Amyloidosis. August of 2018, she had a stem cell transplant as treatment. And this August, I am spending my Mama’s birthday writing and reflecting on all the memories I have with her instead of spending it with her.
It is one reason I write all these things on my blog. I want to record things permanently, so that I never forget these things about her. If you have a fond memory of her, I would love for you to comment with it on this post. Then I will always be able to look back and think of all of the great things about her that I remember and the things others recall too. No matter how small or big your memory is, I will cherish it. And I am sure my family will also.
In close, I want to share the lyrics of a song that I recently heard by Chris Young. I will also share the YouTube video below. Part of the words go like this:
“So, tonight I’m gonna pull out pictures, ones with you in ‘em
Laugh and cry a little while reminiscing
By myself
I can’t help
That all I think about
Is how you were taken way too soon
It ain’t the same without you
I gotta say, missing you comes in waves
And tonight I’m drowning”
Don’t get me wrong. I know without a doubt that my Mama is with Jesus in Heaven. And as the preacher at her funeral reminded us, God knows what is around the corner, even when we don’t. The feelings of missing her are for my own selfish wishes that she were with me. I know she wouldn’t come back here for anything. But I will hold on to the promise I will see her again, one day. Until then, Happy Birthday, Mama.
Happy birthday sweet lady! I never had the pleasure to actually meet you in person but I just know that you are a beautiful soul that so many people loved. And I know on this difficult day for your family that you are looking down with your sweet smile and sending all your love to them. Keep on dancing! Say hi to my Dad and my sweet Juliet if you should see them .
Thank you, Susie. You are always so kind and considerate. Even if you did not meet my Mama, I know she would have treated you wonderfully and you would have loved her. I am sure she is cooking for people in Heaven. Probably your Dad, for sure.
There are too many to list.
But my favorite of course we took her to “Cousin Earl”s” for her birthday and she has to dance with a broom. I thought she was going to kill us.
She was my recipe, cook, movie, Bible, life, cry on a shoulder, laugh, share, encourager, shopping, FRIEND! I could go on and on. Life is not the same!
Lord knows I miss her. ??
There really are too many to list. But I just love looking back and remembering them all. I remember this birthday. And yes, she was so mad lol! I know you miss her terribly. <3
I remember going to your house growing up for our summer suppers. I loved the years we came to your house so we could play in the woods or run up and down the mountain playing flashlight hide and go seek. The best part was all the food we had and how welcoming your mom always made me feel.
She was the best cook and host! I remember those days too. We had the best time. Thank you so much for sharing! <3
I didn’t know your mom but she sounds like one amazing person. I read this and thought of my own experience too. I lost my mom 5 years ago. She was 64. It is true what you say that everything changes. Thinking of you! ❤️
Thank you so much, Julia. It has been so hard. Thank you for your comment, I am sorry you have had to go through this as well.
Ooohhh, Laura. My heart is just breaking for you all. Sending you all the love and peace. So glad you have such wonderful memories of your mama. <3
Ashley, she was the best Mama ever. And I do have to hold on tight to the memories. I am so grateful for your friendship and love! xo
God bless you and your family on this special day! ❤️❤️I share in your grief today. 😢We would be celebrating her special day by going to a movie and enjoying a meal of her choice, and maybe ice cream (of course chocolate). My last day with Sandy, the Monday before she passed on Sunday, I had to come and try a new chocolate ice cream she found. So thankful I took the time to go. These are memories I will always cherish. Much ❤️ To this family!
She loved you so much, Terry. And I love you too!